What do you want? 

Simple question, right? It’s also one of the most difficult for many of us to answer.  Sometimes because we truly don’t know what it is we want or how to get it.

I often see clients who want to find out why they can’t achieve their goal.  It usually doesn’t take long to figure it out.  It’s usually for 2 main reasons. Either they aren’t clear on what they do want or, by staying right where they are, they are getting something positive out of it. 

We’ve all gone through it.  

We might say, “I want a successful career”, when we really don’t want to lose the connection with our family.  “I want a new car”, but you don’t want another payment.  So, what I have found is that people actually do know what they want, but at the same time, they are getting something positive from staying right where they’re at and “sabotaging” the goal.

Why can’t I achieve my goal?

Your NLP Coaching practice provides you with tools and techniques such as DreamSculpting® to guide clients to discover what positive benefit they’re getting from NOT achieving their goal.  It seems antithetical to get something positive from NOT achieving a goal, but it’s more common than you might realize. Once you uncover that positive benefit, you can open the channel for clients as they find other ways to keep the positive benefit by moving forward and achieving their goal.

A goal is an outcome we set our sights on achieving in life, career, relationship, home, and/or health.  They appear to be less daunting than our big dreams, but how we approach them, how we sabotage them are just the same. 

You can tell that something’s tripping you up, can’t you?   

I once had a client who wanted to move from Sedona, Arizona to San Diego, California because she felt she might have better opportunities for work and new relationships, but she had been self-sabotaging this goal for years.  Sabotage came in many forms i.e.: If it wasn’t her job stopping her from moving — it was the job market, if it wasn’t money stopping her– it was the economy, if it wasn’t the economy, it was the housing market.  

There was always some excuse as to why she couldn’t make the move. What was tripping her up?

Truth was, she hadn’t really been clear about her goal of moving.  It was kind of a fleeting thought and every once in a while she’d decide it was a good idea to move, but it really wasn’t a solid goal.

When she thought she was getting serious about moving, she began my DreamSculpting® program.  As we progressed through the discovery phase, I asked her what she would get to keep by NOT moving to San Diego.  After some serious thought, she replied, “Well, I’d get to keep my beautiful home here in Sedona” — and so the positive benefit was revealed.  Once that was revealed she was able to truly create a strategy and plan for moving to San Diego, where she lives today in her beautiful home.

How can clients discover their real goals?

Here is a short scripted process I like to use to get them started on the road to discovering their real goals.

1. Close your eyes and just Imagine for a moment that you are completely free to be yourself, to be, do, or have anything you want.  Can you remember when you were younger and you were pretending to be a superhero or character from television? Remember how that felt?  That’s right, it felt like the whole world was yours for the taking.  Or maybe, you are taking a long walk through the woods in autumn or along the beach in the summer?  Whatever you do, allow yourself to feel these powerful emotions completely.

2. Now, as you continue feeling those powerful emotions, imagine what life would be like if you had a magic wand and could instantly create all the money, time, resources, love, acceptance, etc. that the world can offer.

3. Now imagine floating up and out of your body about 10 feet and look ahead into the future at your life in 3 years,10 years, see your life just the way you want it.  With the relationship, home, vibrant health, work you love, a spiritual path that works for you . . . what are those goals that will get you there?  

As a DreamSculpting® coach, you have in your tool chest the most powerful program in guiding clients to achieving their true goals and dreams.  Isn’t THAT a goal worth achieving?

To many, dreams are believed to be elusive and whimsical and that they aren’t really attainable.  Others use their Conscious Will to attempt to force the gods into granting us our dreams like a magical genie.  

Neither of these efforts is effective in creating the life of our dreams or the dreams in our lives.  

We are gifted with three levels of consciousness.  The Conscious Mind, the Unconscious Mind, and the Higher Conscious Mind.  

We’re all familiar with our Conscious Mind.  It’s that part of us that is always creating, thinking, dreaming up new ideas.  

The unconscious mind is that part of us that houses all of our beliefs and runs the programs created from those beliefs that we learned in the first 7 years of our lives.  We learned how to do affluence or how to financially struggle, and by that time we have probably learned to either be responsible for our decisions and behavior or to blame others when things don’t work out right. We learned how to do sickness or health, whether we developed love and respect or not. 

And NLP has many different processes and techniques that open up access to that part of our mind where those old programs reside and to be able to make changes where necessary.  Through NLP, we are able to discover all the things we learned as a child because we develop patterns out of those programs that we repeat over and over.  

NLP is a powerful tool that can set you up for success by syncing your conscious mind — the part you use to make rational and deliberate decisions —with your unconscious mind and it’s programs.  So, how does it work?

The Logical Conscious Mind

An NLP Coach is a specialist in business and life success strategies. Coaches work with their clients through their conscious mind or awareness. The Conscious Mind is the everyday mind. It’s the part of us that makes decisions, that analyzes the world around us, the source of logically processing information.  You make logical choices about what you want and how you will accomplish it with this part of your conscious mind.

Coaching techniques can include strategic planning, goal setting, and follow-up if all the client needs is a plan of action or guidance of what to do.

Re-Programming the Unconscious Mind

Top coaches such as Tony Robbins and most other prominent coaches, authors, and speakers are NLP trained in removing subconsciously programmed limitations, changing behaviors, and healing the root causes of self-sabotage and poor self-image in ourselves and our clients.

If you have a pattern of sabotaging yourself, the Unconscious Mind is usually the culprit behind it by hiding negative beliefs about yourself and the world.  When these unconscious beliefs conflict with our conscious thoughts, the result is a misalignment. 

Also, because the unconscious mind lives in the past, we keep re-living the story we’ve already written, rather than living the story we actually want to play out.  As coaches, we learn to use specialized techniques to reach this part of our client’s mind, which is completely necessary for change.

A Neuro-Linguistic Hypnotherapist is a master of the use of persuasive language and emotional/behavioral change. As an NLP Coach, you will be infinitely more effective learning and using the hypnotherapist’s ability to influence physical and behavioral change.

An NLP Coach is a master of communication—both internal and external—and an expert in human programming and the removal of limitations that impede success. As a Hypnotherapist, this is a must-have skill set to achieve the results you seek.

Connecting to the Higher Conscious Mind

The Higher Conscious Mind is that creative spirit within us all that connects us to the universal energies. It’s our connection to the Divine, to the God Source and to Infinite Intelligence. This is where inspiration, new ideas, and intuitive solutions arise.

This is also where deeply-held beliefs from the Subconscious Mind manifest themselves, and where the Law of Attraction takes its cues. The Higher Conscious Mind is what we could call the delivery mechanism for everything in the Universe.

Aligning The Three Minds and Leveraging Them to Achieve Our Dreams

First, through the Conscious Mind, we guide our client to get very clear on what it is that he wants.  How does it look, feel, taste, smell, sound, what size is it and many other submodalities. NLP Coaches use our mastery of language to heighten their emotions around their dream to give it more sizzle.  In other words, “How good do you really want it?” What will achieving this goal make him feel?  Security, love, connection, freedom?  There are many emotions that achieving our dreams might cause us to feel.  

Second, we guide our client to discover the old limiting belief(s) that could sabotage his dream. For example, if your client was raised in a family in which he constantly heard that there’s “not enough money, food, fuel, work, love, opportunities”, he will likely have developed programs and patterns of thoughts, decisions and behaviors that support the “not enough” belief.

As Neuro Linguistic Hypnotherapists we use appropriate techniques that allow our client to discover where that limiting belief began, eliminate it and install new useful beliefs that support his dream. Once the new beliefs about his dream are installed, our client will know exactly what he wants to achieve and, most importantly, he will finally believe he can achieve it.  

Third, we use a combination of tools such as meditation, chanting, affirmation, and prayer to guide our client to connect with his Higher Conscious Mind which has a direct connection with God, Divine Light, Infinite Wisdom, or any other names he may use for the “universal energies”.  This focused practice allows this Great Creator to witness our clear, Hi Def dream, armed with positive beliefs that it CAN be achieved, and the emotional juice, the level of desire behind it.  

From there, all of these universal energies will come together and have no alternative, but to bring his amazing dream to him.

Oh, the wonderful experiences you can have when you learn to choose your feelings rather than excuse your behavior!

Do you ever wonder how some people seem to be able to keep it all together under stress or don’t have drama in their life? I used to wonder that myself before I got introduced to NLP. NLP teaches you purpose-driven thinking and feeling; you may also know this as mindfulness.

Whatever you call it, it is essential to understand the quality of your life is based on the quality of the decisions you make daily. The quality of your decisions are based on the quality of your thoughts and feelings you are experiencing at the time of decision. It is important to ask yourself when you find yourself acting in a way that is unbecoming or not useful, “what do I want out to experience in this situation?”

Becoming consciously aware and catching yourself when you are not responding to a situation in a useful way will afford you time and opportunity to choose a higher quality response.

Let me share with you one of the techniques I use with my clients to explain what determines the quality of your experience. Everything you do in life is based on a strategy. You have a thought that creates a feeling, which then makes you behave in a certain way and all of which is steeped in your belief system. A strategy looks like this in an equation format:

WHAT MAKES UP A STRATEGY?

THOUGHTS + FEELINGS + BEHAVIORS + BELIEFS =  OUR EXPERIENCE (OUTCOME)

People who don’t get caught up in the drama of life and seem to go with the flow usually work the equation backward, starting from the outcome.

They have consciously trained their thinking to focus on the outcome they want to experience and align their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and beliefs to that outcome.

Let me share a story of a client of mine. She was married and was also a stay-at-home mom that owned a home-based business.

She loved her kids and husband very much and, by all accounts, had a fantastic life.

She came to me because she would get anxious at dinnertime. When her husband would get home from work, she was already feeling anxious, and she found herself picking a fight or looking for what wasn’t right with him. There was a part of her that knew it was ridiculous, but she didn’t know how to stop doing it. She said to me, “it’s crazy because I absolutely love my husband; he is a really good guy.” But at dinnertime, I just can’t seem to find anything right or good about him.”

Here is the good news; she had conscious awareness of her behavior and knew she wanted to change it. I used various techniques with her to find out and heal what was causing these feelings. After doing the work, dinnertime became an enjoyable time for her and her family. I should mention the cause of this feeling at dinnertime had nothing to do with her husband. Does this sound familiar?

One of the techniques I used was to create a new strategy for dinnertime. This is how we created a new strategy; we worked the equation backward. I had her focus on the outcome she wanted..

• I asked her, “what do you want to feel at dinnertime?” She said, “loving and peaceful.”
• I asked her, “how do you know you are feeling loving and peaceful. She got a huge smile on her face and said, “I feel warm inside and very relaxed.”
• I asked her, “how do you behave at dinnertime when you are feeling loving and peaceful? She said, “I am enjoying cooking with my children and conversing with my husband and kids about their day.”
• I asked her, “what are you thinking when you feel loving and peaceful at dinnertime? She said, “I am thinking that dinnertime is one of my most favorite times of the day because it allows me the opportunity to connect with my family.”
• Then I asked her, what do you believe about dinnertime? She replied, “dinnertime is an incredible time because our family gets to reconnect.”
• Hmmm, I said, “that sounds a whole lot better, doesn’t it?”

It was like magic; doing this exercise allowed her to develop the skill of mastering her feelings rather than excusing her behavior. Choosing to make a different decision on how she felt at dinnertime allowed her to experience this time differently. Now her brain had another strategy to use at dinner time, and this one is far better than the other.

Sometimes making changes can be just that simple. Learning the strategy of focusing on you want and choosing your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and beliefs to support that outcome will allow you to invite more enjoyment into your life.

CREATING YOUR OWN STRATEGY

The next time you are in a situation that is going south, command yourself to “stop” and ask yourself the following questions:

• What do I really want to feel right now, and what is the outcome I want to achieve?
• How do I know that I am feeling that feeling or feelings?
• What happens to me inside that lets me know that I am feeling that way?
• Now, feeling that desired way –
• What thoughts must I have about the situation?
• How do I behave in the situation?
• What are my beliefs about the situation?
• Now approach the situation and experience how it is changed.

Notice, just how easy it can be to change a situation when you learn to choose your feelings rather than excuse your behavior.

Rapport is the ability to create connections, build trust, and feel understood. Being in rapport with yourself and others leads to living a successful and enriching life. Rapport is critical to succeeding in the workplace – especially if you are in a sales, marketing, or service industry – to be honest – in all aspects of our life.

Three main aspects of building rapport include:

• Create a positive connection
• Build healthy solid relationships
• Become an influential communicator

The ability to gain rapport is an essential skillset if you want to make a connection and build trust with someone. Being in rapport with someone means being on the same wavelength while communicating with that person. Think of a situation where things may have gotten out of hand, either ending in conflict or misunderstanding.  If you were to replay that situation with fresh eyes looking for NLP clues of lack of rapport ­– you would have greater awareness and understanding about how the other people involved view their world.

Using NLP rapport skills gives us greater clarity on what is actually being communicated by paying attention to verbal and nonverbal communication. People connect with people they feel are like themselves. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a methodology that leverages this need for sameness and teaches rapport techniques that instantly build connection, credibility, and trust with anyone. Through the use of these techniques, you will authentically connect faster with anyone, be it family, friends, coworkers, customers, or strangers. NLP teaches us to connect with the unconscious mind in ways that are out of the awareness of the conscious mind.

Ways to build rapport include noticing how we are communicating from the conscious and unconscious parts of us.  Words are the conscious representation of what is going on in our unconscious mind. Because words can be ambiguous, it is important to pay attention to the keywords, predicates, pet words people use.  When we use the same words as someone, then it gives the feeling of connection because they feel we understand them, and you are like them.

We can also build rapport by paying attention to non-verbal communication, such as breathing, eye blinking, head tilt, posture, gestures, tonality, rhythms, etc. Using the same rate of speech, breathing at the same rate, using the same gestures, etc. can also build connections through fostering the feeling of sameness.

Because we tend to trust and like people who are like us, by employing the following NLP techniques in rapport, you will create the feeling of sameness, thus building rapport.

Pay attention to words­ – Spoken words have a direct relationship with the beliefs, ideas, and understandings the speaker has about himself, other people, and the world in general. Speech is a representation of thoughts and feelings going on inside a person. When a person listens intently to the words that are spoken by another person and starts using the same words, while in conversation, it becomes possible for him or her to enter the other person’s world and view it in the way they see it. Stepping into the other person’s world gives a better understanding of how that person feels or thinks. This ultimately helps in building rapport, opening up the opportunity to be more influential in the conversation.

Body Language & Other Non-Verbal Communication – Body language or other forms of non-verbal communication, such as gestures, posture, facial expressions, eye movements, etc. are other ways we can connect and build rapport. Body language can be both conscious and unconscious. Pitch, rhythm, and volume of the voice are additional clues of what is happening in the speaker’s inner world. Matching and mirroring the tonality, pitch, and rhythm allows you to build instant rapport

Identify Meta programs– Meta programs in NLP refer to an individual’s habitual patterns that he uses in a given situation. NLP examples of Meta Programs include an individual’s preference for overview against detail, self or others, towards or away from motivation, etc. Speaking to a person meta program will allow them to feel understood and connected.

These are some of the ways of building instant rapport, listening to words used that represent thoughts and emotions of a person, paying attention to body language, and using their meta-programs.  Being in rapport helps us to be more connected, effective, and influential in a variety of situations that can include sales, negotiations, hiring process, therapy, our relationships, dealing with conflict, and in many other situations.

Whether it be personally or professionally, being rapport allows us to trust, to feel heard, understood, and connected.   When we are in rapport, we treat people nicer, we are more understanding, and we have the ability to influence them to see things from a different perspective.  We tend to have more win-win experiences when we are in rapport.

I work with companies of all sizes, with executives and founders, sales teams, and individuals who want to succeed in their careers.  One thing they all have in common – is the desire to improve performance, be more successful, be better communicators, and know effective strategies to resolve conflicts and overcome challenges.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a unique discipline that combines psychology, neurology, and linguistics to help manage the connection between our mind and our body.  Knowing how to manage this connection allows us to be more effective communicators and get more of what we want in life.

In simple terms, understanding NLP helps us live more successfully, communicate more efficiently, and ultimately take control of our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and outcomes.  We can reduce stressful situations in the workplace through better communication skills by understanding the power of language and how language effects our physiology.  The ability to adjust our communication to be aligned with the desired outcome of the situation is an effective strategy to achieve a successful result.

NLP helps us build connections.  Understanding how others process information is critical in connecting with customers, co-workers, and bosses successfully.  For example, there are three learning modalities – visual, auditory, kinesthetic.  Studies show that 65% of people process information visually, 30% auditorily, and 5% kinesthetically.  Listening for language is one way to get clued in on how someone is processing information, and if you use similar language, you will be in greater rapport, experience better communication, and enhanced connection because people feel heard and understood.

Utilizing effective NLP skills in coaching, business, and your career can influence profits and your success because it helps you to capitalize on languaging and the power to influence. The training results in mastering the skillset of influence through building connections and by developing a more consciously strategic mindset

Gaining the skill to see situations from a new perspective is a strength of NLP.  This is especially helpful when a team consistently needs consultation to handle routine affairs, which can be a time consuming and exhaustive task or if you are seeking to become a valuable asset to your employer.

When experiencing conflict or challenges, people can become overly emotional, resulting in cutting themselves off to solutions and potentially making a mess of the situation.  A high-quality solution is never found, focusing on the problem.  Thrive Learning Collective’s NLP Training guides you to develop skills to become aligned with the outcome you want to attain. Through this practice, you will organically gain access to resources that will help to resolve the situation. By utilizing these skills, change that at one time may have taken days, weeks, or months begins immediately. My clients find these tools effective and fun to learn.

Creating healthy and effective communication in and amongst teams is vital for a business to thrive. Having an NLP skillset helps to identify and optimize the positive intention behind teams and their members. Utilizing NLP in teambuilding is valuable in getting all departments on board because it focuses on the positive intention of each department.   Through NLP, team members gain understandings that departments are components of the whole organization, and each department’s success feeds the success of the entire organization. Building a cohesive relationship between departments and teams allows for a business to grow and thrive by leveraging the strengths of all those involved and becoming an outcome-focused forward-moving organization.  This is especially applicable in sales organizations that reward for results and closing the sale.  Adopting an outcome focus attitude goes a long way in guaranteeing customer satisfaction and retention. Embracing this attitude increases business.

An example of using NLP: In a company, I was coaching and training, one of the managers, was not getting along with the CEO of the company. The manager felt that the CEO was just out for himself and didn’t care about the employees. This is a common dynamic seen in many corporations.  After taking the manager through an NLP process, he was able to see the situation from a different perspective. He ended up seeing how his behavior was effecting the dynamic, and he learned that the CEO did care about the company and the employees. They just had a different way of expressing it. After the process, the team became more cohesive because the CEO and manager began working more effectively with each other. 

NLP is used personally, professionally and to enhance successful business management and sales by companies all over the world. The use of effective NLP coaching for you personally, professionally and in business will help to:

• Create a culture of excellence with employees
• Increases employee retention,
• Enhance customer satisfaction
• Create employee and customer loyalty
• Cultivate an overall environment of growth and prosperity.