Changing Inner Dialogue

As small children, our minds are like sponges and during the time between birth and 7 or 8 years old, we spend most of our time exploring, learning, and absorbing the information of the world around us.  

Science tells us during this 7 to 8 year period, that we are in the brain wave state of Theta and in that state, our subconscious becomes a repository for memories, emotions, sensations. 

For example, a child raised with a Mother or Father who uses words and phrases such as “you don’t deserve” “who do you think you are” “don’t be stupid”, “life sucks”, that child will likely grow up with inner dialogues such as, “I’m not worthy”, “I don’t deserve to be successful”, “I’ll  never be happy”, or worse.

If your client has repeatedly attempted and failed at, for example, starting a business, completing college, or developing meaningful relationships, there is more than likely an inner dialogue playing over and over in their mind.  Sometimes they still hear their parents voices and other times it becomes their own.

If that’s all it did, it wouldn’t be such a problem, but what that inner dialogue ultimately does is it creates an “internal saboteur” that causes them to make decisions and act in ways that aren’t congruent with or supporting their goals.  

You have an awesome opportunity to assist them in changing that inner dialogue to something more useful, opening the way for them to create a new way of being.

Another great advantage of your Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) training is that any technique or process you can use with a client, you can use to heal yourself.  In fact, if you have an internal saboteur blocking any area of your life, I recommend you first eliminate yours.  

Here is a very simple and effective way to do that.

Changing Inner Dialogue

  1. Get in touch with the inner dialogue
  2. Name the emotion it creates that you want to replace
  3. Rate the intensity of that feeling on a scale of 0 being “no problem” and 10 “I’m ready to scream”
  4. Identify the dialogue, e.g., “I screw up everything”, “I’m not worthy of a good marriage”
  5. Change the speed and the pitch of the voice
  6. Make the inner dialogue high (like Mickey Mouse) and super-fast
  7. Slow the inner dialogue down and low (like James Earl Jones) out loud or mentally and then,
  8. Slow it down even more and make the spaces between the words even longer 
  9. You will begin to notice that your inner dialogue doesn’t elicit the same emotion when repeated slowly
  10. Check in with the feeling that you wanted to replace

If it is at zero, replace it with a new positive statement in a voice that you just can’t help but listen to, and as you listen to your voice, put a big smile on your face and enjoy this new way of being. 

Living Healthy with NLP

In my earlier post, I talked about managing our thoughts through Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and how that can allow you to live your best life ever.   

And even as an NLP Coach you’re probably curious.   “How does NLP affect my health?” and “How can I use it to improve my health?”

If you read my previous post, you know that going from where you are to where you want to be is only a thought away.  And the same holds true for thoughts about our health.

During one of my 16 day NLP / Hypnotherapy training classes in Florida, I had a student who came in EVERY day complaining of a new ailment.  Her leg hurt, the next day her shoulder hurt, she twisted her back.  Every day was something new and as I was leaving one day, I noticed that, even though she wasn’t legally “handicapped”, she parked every day in a handicapped parking spot.

So I thought, if she’s NOT handicapped and at least twice a day she’s seeing the handicapped sign on the parking spot, then she’s subconsciously living out HER life as a handicapped person!

You see, as she feels the ailment, she then thinks the thought that “something is wrong” and continues to subconsciously recreate “something wrong” every day.

Once I pointed it out to her, she found a new parking spot, and through the New Behavior Generator and Anchoring NLP processes, she was able to change her “wrong” thinking into more positive thoughts which supported her desire to for excellent health. 

A basic premise is that if you control your thoughts, you can control your words, and you have control over changes you wish to make in your life. 

You will always have a variety of thoughts floating through your mind, so when I speak of controlling your thoughts, I’m referring to focusing your thoughts.  You can CHOOSE what thoughts you want to put your focus on.  The others will just float on through with barely a notice.

So, using words accurately is what NLP teaches. By teaching your brain to think, and it can be taught, in sound ways and behaviors that are in alignment with your values (see Manage Your Mind, Manage Your Life), then this produces positive effects on your body and heals your emotions.

As an NLP Coach, you’re aware that roughly 90% of illnesses originate in the mind. However, knowing this and applying it in your life can be two different things.  

In the NLP MasterClass, I consciously and continuously monitor my students’ words while talking about your life, family, business, relationships, and health.  By also observing your facial expressions, and body changes, I can see hidden “language” to discover the unwanted thoughts and the way you view your health, and get to the root of the problem, the negative belief stored in your unconscious. 

Once the unconscious beliefs are brought into your consciousness, you will change your thinking pattern and eliminate any unwanted ideas about your health.

NLP has proven successful in sports, the educational field, sales, business, and health.  Thrive Learning Collective’s NLP MasterClass students gain a much deeper level of understanding of how and why the techniques work and how not only to assist their clients in making positive life changes, but to incorporate them in their own lives.  

All of us have role models such as film stars, sports stars, famous speakers, and so on.  They have achieved success and prominence in their fields. They also have reasonably good health and radiant personalities. They have got to where they are by a strong “belief” system shored up with high quality thoughts.  

You and I can also model or create patterns in our own lives by following their beliefs and patterns of behavior and so rise up to their levels of success.  It is entirely possible.  I’ve done it and I’ve seen so many of my students do it, as well.  NLP is the shortest, most direct path to discover the inner resources we all possess.  They are waiting to be tapped and brought out into the light, so that every aspect of our lives can be improved. 

Success isn’t just for a chosen few, it’s for all of us.  


Take a mini-break from worry!


When you are facing troubled times, take a mini-break from worry and notice what happens. Allow yourself to walk away from the problem for just 15 minutes.

“Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want”

Take 6 deep breaths – Breathe in for the count of five and exhale for the count of seven. Go for a quick walk. When you return, ask yourself, “what do I want and what will I do right now to get it.”

Notice how you see things differently when you allow yourself to take a mini-break from worry.

Focusing on what you want is more effective than focusing on what you don’t want. Either way, you will get more of what you are focusing on in life. We never find our solution when we focus on the problem.

Resolving Conflicts With NLP

Conflict is a part of life. How we resolve conflict is what can make or break a relationship.

Conflict can happen in various facets of our lives and at different degrees. Internal and external conflict occurs when:

  1. Ideas oppose each other. 
  2. There is an struggle within ourselves or with the outside world or external forces. 
  3. You have a conflict with what you should do. For instance, should I stay inside and sleep or go outdoors and get fresh air?
  4. You think about what you can and can’t do in a situation.
  5. We have conflicting beliefs. For example, a person may be convinced it is correct for them to study astronomy, and they may also believe that they can not learn it, and this will cause them difficulty in learning astronomy.
  6. We are holding onto a particular role. For example, you may have a conflict of being a wife and being the head of the house.
  7. We think or believe that the person we are communicating with has to share our point of view or perspective.
  8. Perceived realities collide.  

How we handle conflict is based on our perspective of the situation. Our perspective is subjective and is formed by how we experienced similar situations in the past. When we have an experience, we formulate a judgment (assign meaning) about it and then attach beliefs about the situation, which lays the foundation of how we will respond in the future.  

Learning to resolve conflict is a beneficial skill to acquire in life. Using NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and perceptual positioning can allow you to change your perspective or respectfully agree to disagree. 

Conflict Resolution through understanding someone else’s perspective

Utilizing perceptual positioning is useful in resolving conflict. These are incredible learning positions because each position allows us to see and experience the conflict in a different way. 

  1. First Position: You are experiencing the situation through your own eyes and are fully associated into the experience.
  2. Second Position: Stepping into another person’s experience and seeing through their eyes, hearing through their ears, and feeling what they are feeling…the “compassion position.”
  3. Meta Position: Viewing the interaction from a dissociated state watching you and the other person disagreeing. 

The next time you are disagreeing take some reflective time away from the situation and put yourself in the other two positions and capture what you can learn from these positions and then apply the learning to the conflict. More often than not, conflict is resolved, or at the very least, you can respectfully agree to disagree. 

Would you like to learn more about how NLP can help you become an extraordinary communicator that can navigate through communication challenges? “Click Here” If you have questions feel free to contact

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NLP Presuppositions You Ought To Know About

NLP Presuppositions You Ought To Know About


NLP has certain underlying presuppositions. These presuppositions are related to effectiveness in communication. NLP finds its basis largely in practical experience than being rooted in academic theories.

Though some NLP presuppositions may be borrowed from cybernetics or General Semantics, some are unique to NLP. Given below is a detailed study of some examples of NLP presuppositions.

What communication means equals the response it elicits: In communication, information is transferred from one to another. The information conveyed has some meaning for the receiver and is intended to be understood by the receiver in the way that it is communicated. However, effective communicators understand that communication is, in fact, what the receiver thinks rather than what is intended to be communicated, which may be two different things altogether. NLP trains people to focus on the actions of the receiver to determine if there is misunderstanding and vary their own communication until the desired response is received.

Map and territory: The way a person organizes his experience of the world is a ‘map,’ and the world as it exists is ‘territory’ and is different from the map. The experience of every person determines their perception of the world and the choices they will observe as being available to them. NLP techniques help to change this perception to a more useful model, better matching the world as it really is.

Language and experience: Language is understood as representing a person’s experience. People speaking different languages use separate words that describe the same thing. Everyone has a different experience, so the same words have different meanings for each person. Communication between people is effective as long as meanings are mutually similar. When there is dissimilarity in meaning, communication problems arise.

Mind and body affect each other: Body and mind in a human being are inseparable. A person’s thinking is influenced by the feelings in their physical body. In effect, this means that a person can change the way they feel by changing how they think and change the way they think by changing their physiology or his feelings.

Communicating cannot be avoided:  People usually suppose that if they keep silent, they are not communicating and can avoid personal responsibility. However, there is a presupposition in NLP that one is constantly communicating through words, silence, and several other non-verbal signals. It is, therefore, better to accept personal responsibility than to remain aloof.

Anyone with the maximum options in a given situation can get the best outcome: This presupposition is related to BATNA i.e. Best Alternative to Non-agreement. If you enter upon negotiations with a single outcome in mind, it means the end of the road if that outcome is not achieved. Alternatively, if you have a prioritized list of options, the likelihood of achieving any one of them is very high.

Each type of behavior is appropriate in some specific context: Simply stated, you adopt a certain behavior because you have experienced it to work at some time. Problems arise because you may continue to believe that it is still going to work even though it is no longer appropriate. Accepting this presupposition follows that a new and appropriate behavior is warranted instead of dissecting the old behavior, which more often than not, reinforces it rather than rejecting it.