Resolving Conflicts With NLP

Conflict is a part of life. How we resolve conflict is what can make or break a relationship.

Conflict can happen in various facets of our lives and at different degrees. Internal and external conflict occurs when:

  1. Ideas oppose each other. 
  2. There is an struggle within ourselves or with the outside world or external forces. 
  3. You have a conflict with what you should do. For instance, should I stay inside and sleep or go outdoors and get fresh air?
  4. You think about what you can and can’t do in a situation.
  5. We have conflicting beliefs. For example, a person may be convinced it is correct for them to study astronomy, and they may also believe that they can not learn it, and this will cause them difficulty in learning astronomy.
  6. We are holding onto a particular role. For example, you may have a conflict of being a wife and being the head of the house.
  7. We think or believe that the person we are communicating with has to share our point of view or perspective.
  8. Perceived realities collide.  

How we handle conflict is based on our perspective of the situation. Our perspective is subjective and is formed by how we experienced similar situations in the past. When we have an experience, we formulate a judgment (assign meaning) about it and then attach beliefs about the situation, which lays the foundation of how we will respond in the future.  

Learning to resolve conflict is a beneficial skill to acquire in life. Using NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and perceptual positioning can allow you to change your perspective or respectfully agree to disagree. 

Conflict Resolution through understanding someone else’s perspective

Utilizing perceptual positioning is useful in resolving conflict. These are incredible learning positions because each position allows us to see and experience the conflict in a different way. 

  1. First Position: You are experiencing the situation through your own eyes and are fully associated into the experience.
  2. Second Position: Stepping into another person’s experience and seeing through their eyes, hearing through their ears, and feeling what they are feeling…the “compassion position.”
  3. Meta Position: Viewing the interaction from a dissociated state watching you and the other person disagreeing. 

The next time you are disagreeing take some reflective time away from the situation and put yourself in the other two positions and capture what you can learn from these positions and then apply the learning to the conflict. More often than not, conflict is resolved, or at the very least, you can respectfully agree to disagree. 

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