What Lens are You Seeing Life Through, Fear or Love?

“There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It’s true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it’s more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They’re opposites. If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”
“Elisabeth Kubler Ros”

Fear and Love wear many different masques. For example, fear can be disguised as anxiety, rejection, judgment, etc. Love can be disguised as acceptance, connection, peace, etc. Think of fear and Love as being a portal for like emotions to flow through and experienced.

Have you ever been running late, and you begin to get that stressed-out feeling. You go to get into your car, and you realized you had forgotten your car keys. You run back in and start looking for your keys. You go to the usual spot and there not there…. What?…No keys! Now you add the feeling of frustration and fear, to the pressure you are already experiencing. Finally, you choose to slow yourself down by taking a few deep breaths and go back and look for your keys again and voilà there they are in the place you thought you had left them. You find them now because you are searching your environment for your keys from different emotions, and you see things differently.

This example is true in many situations when you are searching for a solution. You will not find a high-quality solution in a state of fear.

NLP is often referred to as the owner’s manual for the mind. NLP teaches you how to think. Your thoughts fire off feelings. Poor quality thoughts lead to poor quality feelings, which leads to poor quality behaviors, and it goes around and around until you break the cycle by choosing higher quality thoughts. Learn to break the cycle of low-quality thinking! Attend NLP Training and Learn strategies to choose your thoughts rather than excuse your behaviors.

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Let go of a painful past to create an incredible future!

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A painful past becomes an issue if it is continually replayed and causes us to forfeit a fulfilling present moment experience and robs us of hope of creating an incredible future.

Employing NLP and Hypnosis techniques, we can release the grip a painful past has on us. Through the use of these processes, it is not that the past didn’t happen or we erase it; it is just that we condition our mind to have a different response to the experience because, through these processes, we have created a different meaning of the experience. It changes how we think about our past.

These techniques are powerful, effective, and, most of all, transformational.

Stop letting a painful past create a painful present and future.

If you are already a practitioner of NLP, let this be a reminder to make sure to use these powerful techniques on yourself and your clients. If you are new to NLP, then give me a call, and I can share how learning these techniques and processes can truly give you your life back

Make 2020 Your Best Year Yet! Do you want to let go of a painful, limiting past so you can step into an incredible future! Or, are you looking to upgrade your Communication Skills and become a more effective and influential leader? Join Sandra Vesterstein, Lead NLP Trainer for Thrive Learning Collective, and learn how to become a BETTER YOU!

Register Now! 802-598-6078 or 

Waking Up to the power of Gratitude!

Incorporating a daily practice of gratitude for all of our experiences doesn’t mean we are protected from ever experiencing pain or strife in our life, however it does seem to reduce the amount of time pain stays with us.

Pain shows up differently for each of us. Some people experience pain as blame, regret, shame, rejection, grief, depression, anxiety, or just not feeling good enough. However pain shows up…when we become it, it somehow takes hold and prohibits us from seeing any blessings in our life because we are seeing life through the lens of pain.

I am sharing this with you not because I have experienced more pain than you. I share it because through painful times in my life, I have been asked how do you do it? How do you show up and still have the courage to move forward and move past the pain? Here is my secret. I feel grateful for all of my experiences, and when I feel emotional pain instead of judging it, I welcome it. The more I befriend my pain, the more it seems to release and dissolve. I look at pain as another one of my teachers. During painful times I allow myself to feel the pain. When I am ready, I explore through the lens of gratitude, what lesson pain is teaching me.

Pain has been a profound teacher to me and is partly responsible for shaping me to become the woman that I am.

Adopting Gratitude as a daily practice may allow you to experience:

  • more love and less rejection
  • more understanding and less judgment
  • more of what is right and less of what is wrong
  • more of being in the flow and less resistance
  • more courage and less fear
  • more of loving what is and less of seeing what isn’t
  • more security and less anxiety
  • more inspiration and less depression
  • more of being present and less of letting life pass you by
  • more of being your authentic self and less of attempting to be what others want you to be
  • more including and less excluding
  • more resiliency and less feeling stuck
  • more physical health and less sickness
  • more balanced and loving relationships and less co-dependence
  • more optimism and less pessimism
  • more empathy and less aggression
  • more security and less self-doubt
  • more mental resiliency and less rigidity
  • more forgiveness and less blame

It is a perfect time of year to adopt a daily practice of gratitude for all of our experiences!

Change Made Easy: Thinking on Purpose

Change Made Easy: Thinking on Purpose
Anna Mancini and Sandra Vesterstein

As NLP Practitioners, we are excited to announce that the co-creator of NLP, Richard Bandler has released his new book: Thinking on Purpose.

Thinking on purpose…now, what exactly does that mean? Having the awareness that our thoughts govern how we perceive and live in the world. With this awareness and practice, Change is not only easy, but it is made in a lasting way.

Our thoughts are predetermined by the perception of the unconscious mind which is based on past experiences. These thoughts then govern our perspective of the world, situations, people, places, experiences that not only live in the past, but in the future. Bandler says in ‘Thinking on Purpose’, “Most people don’t really ‘think.’ They ‘remember.’ How do we expect to create a new reality for ourselves when we are continually remembering our past experiences and applying them to our present moment and our future? What if we could think a new thought, and therefore feel what it would be like for our life to be different?

Our thoughts direct the unconscious mind to retrieve the evidence in our outer world that our thoughts and beliefs are accurate. The unconscious mind loves same-ness and will create experiences for us that will “prove itself right.” Let’s take this for an example, if a person has the belief that people are not trustworthy, the lens through which they look at their life, and the world will be continually searching for how this belief is true. As their friend, you’ll wonder why they always attract relationships, in which they are continuously lied to and hurt. Sticking with this example, we could have that person say to themselves every day “People are trustworthy” however, if their emotions and beliefs are not aligned with that affirmation, change may not come easy for them. However, if that same person imagined what they would feel like being surrounded by people they trust, how their interactions would be different, how their beliefs about them self and the world would change, and then say the affirmation while feeling all of these emotions, that is where change is made easy. This creates a new neuro-network for the brain and gives the unconscious mind the direction to attract new experiences into their life; experiences that reflect the new focus of their thoughts; that people are trustworthy.

Changing your thoughts changes your perspective. Changing your perspective changes your beliefs. Changing your beliefs changes your life. It doesn’t have to take years to change. Change is made easy when we bring conscious awareness of what is playing in the unconscious mind.

As the co-creator of NLP, Richard Bandler shows us in his book how to think on purpose; how to be the driver of our life rather than sit in the passenger seat and let our thoughts take the wheel.

If you’re interested in learning proven techniques to guide not only yourself but your clients to change in an easy way, an NLP Practitioner course may be right for you!

Learn the art of changing your perspective!

Resolving Conflicts With NLP

Conflict is a part of life. How we resolve conflict is what can make or break a relationship.

Conflict can happen in various facets of our lives and at different degrees. Internal and external conflict occurs when:

  1. Ideas oppose each other. 
  2. There is an struggle within ourselves or with the outside world or external forces. 
  3. You have a conflict with what you should do. For instance, should I stay inside and sleep or go outdoors and get fresh air?
  4. You think about what you can and can’t do in a situation.
  5. We have conflicting beliefs. For example, a person may be convinced it is correct for them to study astronomy, and they may also believe that they can not learn it, and this will cause them difficulty in learning astronomy.
  6. We are holding onto a particular role. For example, you may have a conflict of being a wife and being the head of the house.
  7. We think or believe that the person we are communicating with has to share our point of view or perspective.
  8. Perceived realities collide.  

How we handle conflict is based on our perspective of the situation. Our perspective is subjective and is formed by how we experienced similar situations in the past. When we have an experience, we formulate a judgment (assign meaning) about it and then attach beliefs about the situation, which lays the foundation of how we will respond in the future.  

Learning to resolve conflict is a beneficial skill to acquire in life. Using NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and perceptual positioning can allow you to change your perspective or respectfully agree to disagree. 

Conflict Resolution through understanding someone else’s perspective

Utilizing perceptual positioning is useful in resolving conflict. These are incredible learning positions because each position allows us to see and experience the conflict in a different way. 

  1. First Position: You are experiencing the situation through your own eyes and are fully associated into the experience.
  2. Second Position: Stepping into another person’s experience and seeing through their eyes, hearing through their ears, and feeling what they are feeling…the “compassion position.”
  3. Meta Position: Viewing the interaction from a dissociated state watching you and the other person disagreeing. 

The next time you are disagreeing take some reflective time away from the situation and put yourself in the other two positions and capture what you can learn from these positions and then apply the learning to the conflict. More often than not, conflict is resolved, or at the very least, you can respectfully agree to disagree. 

Would you like to learn more about how NLP can help you become an extraordinary communicator that can navigate through communication challenges? “Click Here” If you have questions feel free to contact sandra@thrivelearningcollective.com

Check Out Our Upcoming Trainings Here

 

NLP Presuppositions You Ought To Know About

NLP Presuppositions You Ought To Know About

NLP PRESUPPOSITIONS

NLP has certain underlying presuppositions. These presuppositions are related to effectiveness in communication. NLP finds its basis largely in practical experience than being rooted in academic theories.

Though some NLP presuppositions may be borrowed from cybernetics or General Semantics, some are unique to NLP. Given below is a detailed study of some examples of NLP presuppositions.

What communication means equals the response it elicits: In communication, information is transferred from one to another. The information conveyed has some meaning for the receiver and is intended to be understood by the receiver in the way that it is communicated. However, effective communicators understand that communication is, in fact, what the receiver thinks rather than what is intended to be communicated, which may be two different things altogether. NLP trains people to focus on the actions of the receiver to determine if there is misunderstanding and vary their own communication until the desired response is received.

Map and territory: The way a person organizes his experience of the world is a ‘map,’ and the world as it exists is ‘territory’ and is different from the map. The experience of every person determines their perception of the world and the choices they will observe as being available to them. NLP techniques help to change this perception to a more useful model, better matching the world as it really is.

Language and experience: Language is understood as representing a person’s experience. People speaking different languages use separate words that describe the same thing. Everyone has a different experience, so the same words have different meanings for each person. Communication between people is effective as long as meanings are mutually similar. When there is dissimilarity in meaning, communication problems arise.

Mind and body affect each other: Body and mind in a human being are inseparable. A person’s thinking is influenced by the feelings in their physical body. In effect, this means that a person can change the way they feel by changing how they think and change the way they think by changing their physiology or his feelings.

Communicating cannot be avoided:  People usually suppose that if they keep silent, they are not communicating and can avoid personal responsibility. However, there is a presupposition in NLP that one is constantly communicating through words, silence, and several other non-verbal signals. It is, therefore, better to accept personal responsibility than to remain aloof.

Anyone with the maximum options in a given situation can get the best outcome: This presupposition is related to BATNA i.e. Best Alternative to Non-agreement. If you enter upon negotiations with a single outcome in mind, it means the end of the road if that outcome is not achieved. Alternatively, if you have a prioritized list of options, the likelihood of achieving any one of them is very high.

Each type of behavior is appropriate in some specific context: Simply stated, you adopt a certain behavior because you have experienced it to work at some time. Problems arise because you may continue to believe that it is still going to work even though it is no longer appropriate. Accepting this presupposition follows that a new and appropriate behavior is warranted instead of dissecting the old behavior, which more often than not, reinforces it rather than rejecting it.

What is Life Coaching

Life Coaching – A Rewarding Life & Career

The field of Life Coaching is a popular area of focus for individuals from all walks of life. This relatively new field of personal development is in an amazing stage of evolution. As an independent field of study, Coaching started when human resource departments started using senior-level employees to train rookies in the company. Since then, various models of goal formulation and goal achievement now apply to many different areas, including personal growth, spiritual growth, health, career, relationships, and more.

Coaching has been developed into a niche for businesses and is effective in organizational development. Additionally, the field of Coaching continues to be a successful and rewarding career path. ThriveLearning Collective Students have found Neuro-Linguistic Life Coaching® to be a rewarding career path, and use their skills to help businesses as well as individuals.

Neuro-Linguistic based Life Coaches master the art of rapport and deeper levels of communication to break through barriers between company and client and vertical or horizontal inter-office lines. Coaches specializing in business coaching are skilled in resolving conflict, optimizing sales and marketing efforts, and working one-on-one with leaders to obtain real results.

Life Coaching & Health – Help individuals manage their illnesses and conditions

Health Coaching is an effective way to help individuals “manage” their illnesses and conditions, especially those of a chronic nature. With health care issues as a primary factor in the lives of many, more and more clients seek out this type of coaching to assist them in achieving health in a preventative manner.

The Coach trained in Neuro-Linguistics assists clients in finding mental/emotional “root causes” associated with health and wellness. These Coaches are also skilled in helping clients achieve and maintain healthy wellness goals by re-associating unproductive habits or behaviors with new, more useful choices.

Life Coaching & Relationships – Learning the love language of the subconscious

Relationship Coaches are useful in several different contexts, including attracting a mate, romantic relationships, friendships, and family relationships. A Relationship Coach directs and trains his/her clients on various aspects of meeting and attracting long-term partners and meeting more compatible prospects. The focus of most programs is on confident and congruent communication. Clients learn to be empowered with a deeper level of understanding body language.

Existing relationships are strongly influenced by the use of Neuro-Linguistic Relationship Coaching. In this dynamic method, partners are encouraged to become outcome-focused and more congruent about motives. By clearing out old fears and hurt, couples can find the freedom and security to move forward together toward healthy, desirable relations.

Life Coaching & Personal Growth

Personal Coaching has become a vital tool in the personal growth field. Clients of Life Coaching report being able to more effectively communicate what they want and how to get it, along with experiencing strength and evolution in relationships, and an overall sense of well-being.

A Neuro-Linguistic Life Coach® may use inquiry, reflection, requests, and discussion to help clients identify personal and/or business and/or relationship goals, dissolving potential or unconscious blockages along the way. This allows the client to find focus and motivation toward action plans, and consequently, he/she manifests the most desirable outcome. Most Neuro-Linguistic Life Coaches® experience their own personal growth as they journey through the intricacies of this work in the Neuro-Linguistic Life Coaching® Certification Program. Bennett/Stellar provides a safe and comfortable environment for students to explore their own limitations and reach new-found dreams.

Just reading about personal growth is not enough to actually embody it, as personal growth comes from experience. Bennett/Stellar is proud of the truly experiential environment it provides, where Coaches and individuals alike can come and seek the change they want in their lives. Coaches may teach specific insights and skills to empower the client toward his/her goals.

Clients are responsible for their own achievements and successes. The client takes action, and the coach may assist, but he or she never leads or does more than the client. Therefore, a coach cannot – and does not – promise that a client will take any specific action or attain specific goals.

Imagine Yourself on the Big Screen with NLP

Have you ever imagined what life would be like as a movie star? We all love to be entertained and live vicariously through the adventures, loves, mistakes, and conquests of our favorite heroes. A good movie is one that evokes emotion and connection to the people on the screen. When we are really connected to a character in a movie, and we feel anything from love to sadness, we are inadvertently learning about people and life.

If you have had a friend with a problem, you may know how easy it is to look at their life and problems and give advice based on what you see. As long as it is not happening to me, I am able to see the problem, and usually the solution, clearly. I have sat through many-a movie with a similar type of clarity. Perched on the edge of my seat I often want to yell out, “Can’t you see he loves you? Just go, get on the train.” So, how is it that we often find it challenging to look at our own life with that same type of clarity?

By using the power of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) we can utilize tools that help us view our life’s situations from the “best friend” position. Or better yet, we can sit in the director’s chair and direct our very own box-office hit.

So if we consider the basis behind the NLP presupposition “Learning v. Blame” we can see that if we blame other people or the world for our misfortunes we miss out on the opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve our consciousness. Why is this? Blaming someone or something else for our misfortunes is a very dis-empowered place to be. If the world is against us, then surely there is nothing we can do about it. If we want something different or new in our life, we have to empower ourselves through learning. In learning about ourselves, we empower our life with choices.

So how can we learn about ourselves and empower our lives?

Here are some easy steps to becoming the star of your own life.

See Yourself on the Big Screen:

First, imagine or pretend that there is a movie screen in front of you and you are the star of this particular film. Pretend you have a remote control that allows you to Play, Stop, Rewind, Fast Forward and Pause the film.

2. Watch as the challenging situation in your life plays forward. Notice everything about the characters in the film. Notice yourself as the movie progresses and become aware of your role in the movie.

In films, the director has the opportunity to re-shoot specific scenes. Since our emotional states dictate much of how we interact and behave, it is essential for the emotional state of the star actor to be “just right” in the scene. You may notice the difference between saying “I love you” when you are feeling consumed with the power of love, opposed to saying “I love you” when you are feeling disgusted or angered.

Here is your opportunity to be the director of your own film. You get to suggest any number of emotional resources that you would like the actor to try out before the scene goes smoothly. For Example, the Director may say, “Okay, I would like you to do that scene again.. except this time I want you to feel loved, confident, and accepted—no matter what the words in the script say… ready GO.”

3. Use your remote to rewind the film all the way back to the beginning.

4. Choose the best emotions for your movie and pretend that you can see yourself becoming filled with those new emotions.

5. Now, as you play the movie forward watch yourself as you interact with others from the place of the new emotions. Notice the change in the interaction. Most likely, even if the words are the same—the interaction is different.

Sandra Vesterstein is an international trainer and teacher of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Life Coaching, Hypnotherapy, and Reiki with Thrive Learning Collective. To find out more about these healing arts, or becoming a certified life coach, NLP practitioner, or Clinical Hypnotherapist go to ThriveLearningCollective.com

Everything is Hypnosis

There are many definitions of hypnosis. One common one is “a state or condition in which the client becomes highly responsive to suggestions.” 

Hypnosis can happen formally in a hypnotist’s office when the client is relaxing and listening to positive suggestions. Hypnosis can happen in many other situations as well. Hypnosis also happens to all of us naturally every day. Whenever we’re in the alpha brainwave state, we’re especially open to suggestions. Have you noticed that the car is a great place to daydream? As you drive that familiar route, your thoughts naturally turn inward, imagining, planning, or remembering. It can also happen while you listen to the radio as you drive. You may find yourself feeling a certain way in response to what is playing on the radio. You may become open to inspiration while listening to music, commercials, or become fearful because of what is playing in the news. You’re also in the alpha state and very suggestible when you read, creating images in your mind. Every time you fall asleep, you pass through the alpha state.

We spend much of our time in hypnosis, and you are your own greatest and most convincing hypnotist. You might have heard yourself think or say something like, “I have an addictive personality,” “Everyone in my family is overweight, so I am too,” or “As soon as I make some money, something happens, and I have to spend it all.” On the other hand, you may have heard yourself think or say, “I excel at everything I do,” “I was born lucky,” or “Every day is full of opportunities.”

The most important thing to remember about hypnosis is that you always have the power to accept or reject suggestions. You know how it is when a salesperson is trying to convince you to buy something. You have a choice: You can choose to be convinced, or you can say, “Thanks anyway,” and walk away. You can do the same to your own thoughts and others’ suggestions. You first have to become aware that you’re receiving suggestions.

Become empowered and decide to take charge of your own hypnosis. First, make sure to listen to what you think and say to yourself. It might help to write these thoughts down. When you become aware of a thought that is not serving you, rewrite it in a way that is stating what you want, not what you don’t want. Repeat the new statement out loud or in your mind.

Suggestion Tip for Success: When you’re working on a goal, before you fall asleep at night, use those alpha brainwaves to help you. Close your eyes, and imagine you’ve already achieved your goal and feel the feelings of accomplishment. Imagine it while you’re driving or doing other routine tasks. Remember that everything we think, see, hear, and experience in our environment can be a hypnotic influence. Make sure to use this to help you get what you want!